428- Changing Habits with Acceptance and Purposeful Action
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Objectives
– Review the –Habits of Highly Effective People and how they apply to recovery from mental health and addiction issues
Be Proactive
– Be response-able
– Your life (Vehicle)
– What people things and activities are important to your life- What is your destination / Good Orderly Direction-
– What thoughts, attitudes and self talk will help you move toward that destination- (Empowering, accepting, compassionate)
– What actions will help you move toward that destination- (self-care, building support, therapy, new jobâŚ)
– What challenges or adversities can you plan for and mitigate- (Illness, financial stresses, bad days, deaths, holidaysâŚ)
Be Proactive
– Be response-able
– Your recovery (Engine)
– What people things and activities are important to your recovery- What do you need to do to maintain your happiness-
– How is your recovery important to your overall life goal or destination- In what ways does it impact the people and things that are important to you-
– What challenges or adversities can you plan for and mitigate-
Be Proactive
– Focus on what is within your control
– Imagine a blizzard or hurricane is coming
– What is and is not within your control-
– How can you minimize the distress
– How can you maximize the happy and build your reserves
– Make a list of things (including positive things) that are within your control
Be Proactive
– Develop skills to help you regulate your emotions, urges and actions and choose those that help you move toward happiness.
– Admit and learn from mistakes
– Practice the 3 finger rule
ACT
– Action
– Changes
– Things
– What action can you take right now to start changing things for the better-
Begin with the End in Mind
– Most failures result from failure to envision/plan (within reason)
– Going to the gym
– Going to the grocery without a list
– Going on vacation without a destination
– Starting a project without a plan
Begin with the End in Mind
– Envision in your mind what you cannot at present see
– If you were happy, what would be same and different-
– What is your personal mission statement (revisable)-
– What do you do-
– How do you do it-
– Why do you do it-
– What do I really want out of life-
– What am I uniquely put on earth to achieve-
– What do I believe my purpose or mission is in life-
Begin with the End in Mind
– Envision in your mind what you cannot at present see
– If you were happy, what would be same and different-
– What is your personal mission statement (revisable)-
– What do you do-
– How do you do it-
– Why do you do it-
Begin with the End in Mind
– Plan ahead and set goals
– Specific
– Measurable
– Achievable
– Time Limited
– Realistic
– Rewarding
– Envision reaching your destination daily.
– Keep track of progress toward your destination.
Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)
– Recognize that not doing everything is okay.
– Prioritize by practicing mindful discipline
– Remind yourself why you do the things you do
– For new opportunities, ask âDoes X get you closer to the things that are most important to you-â
– Organization reduces stress and energy expenditure
– Do you have energy and time to do it over if you donât do it right the first time- (Outlining)
– It's all right to say no or ask for help when necessary to focus on your highest priorities.
Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)
– Practice Time Management
– List the âhave tosâ for a week
– Cross off anything that doesnât get you closer to your goals. (paying bills vs. social media)
– Prioritize what is left
– Delegate when possible
– Simplify when possible
– Make a plan to balance the tasks with the goals
– Finishing a project vs. kids baseball game
Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)
– Address procrastination
– Fear of success
– Fear of failure
– Lack of motivation
Think Win-Win
– Four vital character traits:
– Self-Respect: Sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
– Respect and compassion for others ideas and feelings of others
– Abundance Mentality: Believing there is plenty for everyone
– Wisdom: Ability to walk the middle path both/and
– 3 steps
– See the issue from the other personâs point of view and identify key issues involved
– Determine what a successful resolution would look like
– Identify and effectively communicate options to achieve those resolutions, including compromise
Think Win-Win
– Your success doesnât mean someone elseâs failure
– Cooperation is less stressful than competition
– Surround yourself with people smarter than you
– Look for ways you can cooperate to achieve mutual goals âHow can this resolve to make us both happy-â
– Examine common areas of competition for purposefulness and cooperation
– Job promotion
– Relationships
– Attractiveness
Problem Solving Paradigms
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
– Actually listen (diagnose, then prescribe)
– To yourselfâŚshutting out the âshould voicesâ
– To othersâŚwithout trying to form a response
– Types of listening
– Pretending: humming along while not really following.
– Selective listening: hearing what you want to hear.
– Attentive listening: paying attention to the words.
– Empathic listening: intending to understand what the other is trying to communicate.
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
– Look at the bigger picture
– Avoid only focusing on certain aspects
– Use factual, not emotional reasoning
Synergize
– Have one common vision â one common goal
– Have a sense of self
– Value differences and new ideas â stay authentic
– Embrace trust and elicit support
– Accept the better way will likely not be their wayâŚ100%
– Be respectful to everyone â everything
– Be able and willing to apologize and forgive
– Practice mindful listening (listen with empathy)
– Maintain an open desire to understand
– Control negative judgment
– Stay with Win / Win
Sharpen the Saw / Prevent Vulnerabilities
– Happiness requires rest and renewalâŚbalance
– Which takes more time⌠sawing a tree with a completely dull blade or taking the time to sharpen the blade before sawing the tree-
– Time-limit problem focus
– Physical: Good nutrition, sleep, relaxation, exercise
– Social/Emotional: Making meaningful connections with others and maintain a compassionate awareness of self
– Mental: Learning, hobbies, reading, writing, mindfulness
– Spiritual: Explore your interconnectedness with others and everything
Summary
– Proactivity helps people stay healthy and energized, effectively plan for known stresses and prepare for the unknown reducing fear of the unknown and last minute chaos.
– Beginning with the end and putting first things first helps people identify what areas and tasks to use their limited energy on
– Think win-win, seeking to understand and synergizing all help reduce stress associated with competition and misunderstandings to help all people move toward happiness
– Sharpening the saw helps people focus on preventing and mitigating vulnerabilities.